2019 is almost gone. Not all our friends and family made it. Never take for granted the people you love. Be thankful for today, because, in one moment, your entire life could change. (taken from an unknown source) New babies, Couples committing to one another, Family and friends dying have all taken place this year. Some bring grief, some joy, some uncertainty, we all have experienced one or all throughout the year. People have lost jobs, taken ill. Financial challenges. Others have achieved greatness, overcome challenges and taken control. Success! Anniversaries arrive and tug at our hearts, bringing renewed anxiety or fear. Bringing back happy memories, of fun days, happier times, a tear of love slides down our cheek. Sometimes we dwell on events that we feel brings us sadness and anger from the past. It is natural that we replay them and let the emotion take its hold of our hearts again. Serving us no good for our emotional state other than to keep you low and fret away a life which we should be enjoying. I have been in this state for a large part of 2018/19, but with love and support from those around who genuinely care I have learned to let it go. Not to forget but to put it into perspective, after all, why should I allow someone so cruel and devious to rent space in my head when they couldn’t honour or respect my being when they knew me! Christmas is approaching with everyone dashing around to buy the best present, make the best meal, have the best clothes to look fabulous in. Trying to impress or does it bring them joy? Look around you. Those who are dear to us have seen us, lived with us, know our life story. Some of us won’t have who we dearly want next to us on Christmas day. Money cannot buy this want. Has the commercial side of this holiday taken over from the true meaning of it? I feel the joy, happiness, love, and kindness every moment spent with those close to me and not just on this holiday. I also feel like running away from them at times! Christmas is a celebration. People brought their gifts to show their love to the stable in Bethlehem, Could we try this all year round? A kind word, offer support, catch up to blether and remember funny times when someone feels low? Even offering a lift to the shops. Helping hand in the garden. Just being present is the best gift of all. Today is my last day of Panto. A tradition set in our history. Bringing together like-minded people of all ages to entertain, make you laugh and enjoy yourself. We have fun pulling it all together, although Directors don’t always see the fun side during rehearsals, with perseverance we all get there! Audiences of all ages purchase their tickets well in advance to ensure they soak up some of the theatre magic and tradition which hopefully will remain for years to come. Some love to be present to hear children laugh at the silliness before them! Some sweetie throwing and backchat are what make panto! A time to share and time for reflecting in future years with memories for the next generation. Not all our friends and family made it. We have their loving memory to hold, Love is still abundant. Never take for granted the people you love. Hold them close in your heart where they will remain for all of your life. Try not to let unhappy thoughts rule. Take each minute to write your own legacy for other memories to cherish. Try not to lose love and kindness in favour of wanting to impress. Cherish those moments with family and friends, look out for one another. Watching my Grandchildren, and few other close friends children are so humbling and beautiful. It is all I need to live a contented life while I cope with the day to day of normal life. From ALL at Cherished Reflections , we wish you a Merry Christmas Be thankful for today, because, in one moment, your entire life could change.
As we remember those who bravely and without sacrifice left home to fight for our future freedom we are truly thankful for their biggest sacrifice. Their life. Even those who returned left some part of them behind. Families down through the generations all have stories to tell of their Great Uncle, Grandfather, Father, Brother, Sister, Great Aunt, Grandmother, Mother, Friend, Cousin who left with nothing but the kit they were provided with when they signed up to face uncharted travels with great pride for their country. Not forgetting their fear of what was to come. A little of this seems forgotten as we direct our attention to Halloween and Guy Fawks with a few days on either side of the dates enjoying parties and setting off fireworks. We should be enjoying the dressing up and knocking on doors for sweets in return for a good joke or song! Watching Children’s faces light up in fancy dress. We should enjoy the 5th of November, and maybe today there are many of us who wish Guy had been successful! The 11th is a somber day that brings sadness, love, honour and respect for what it stands for. Since then, before then and during the war years there have been many lives lost from illness, tragedy, old age and I wonder how we remember those who have gone? We do, in a British Tradition, prepare a Funeral with a Service and enjoy a tea after to share the memories. But once this day is over, do we speak of those people again? As a Celebrant helping families to remember the life of someone dear is always an honour to be asked to do. To hear people remembering the fun times, the laughter, the happy adventures, the mistakes, but always the gratitude for having the person in their life. No matter how difficult, challenging or loving the relationship was to celebrate with close family and friends to prepare the future knowing they will no longer be present in our physical life. We all will Remember all we have known through our living life and many of us continue to chat amongst ourselves when memories pop up. As we approach the busiest of Holidays, let us not forget the people who are no longer here to accept a traditionally wrapped gift. For their life and input into our lives is a gift we shared which will remain in our hearts forever. The best presents we can’t wrap. They are the people we share, grow in laughter and sorrow. Don’t wait for the memory. Wrap others in love now while it can be shared. Don’t wait until the Funeral to share your feelings. Make a difference by giving your presence and not your presents. We will always Remember what our forefathers have sacrificed and set out for our future. We will always remember as we live we are laying the foundations for future generations. Much love and support.
How often do we hear the words, ‘why didn’t she/he tell me? How did I miss the signs? If only?’ My role as a celebrant brings me close to the raw side of death within families. Before I continue please do not think I am judging anyone or relating to anyone in particular. I am putting thoughts out here and encourage your engagement. Life nowadays gives us access to more information through the web and social media than ever before, at a click on the screen we can have information readily in front of us, sometimes it serves a purpose however there are times when we can access ‘things’ that previous generations never came into contact with. In the past, the thought of the time to search through libraries and encyclopaedias stopped many from seeking the learning they desired. What we did do, was to speak. Speak! We shared our learnings with one another, our dreams, our worries. We looked out for one another. I am not saying we don't do these things now but our lives and economic climate have shifted. Individuals won’t accept certain behaviours from others. As a result, they deal with it in their own way, we make decisions on what we share and where we share it. As we engage more and more with social media we begin to ‘get good’ at portraying a person we want the world to see. We add the layers to show everyone my world is amazing! I am always happy. I am confident. I am in control. No one should ask me how I am cos I am letting you all know that my world is one cracking great journey! Without the ‘old way’ of our physical body language being observed by Granny when we all went for a visit on a Tuesday night, we don't see the people who love us the most, who in the past would have rung alarm bells. In a discreet fashion, of course! We strive on. One issue after another is added under the mask we wear. I am all for us having our own space, own televisions, laptops, and mobiles but have they taken us over? I recall shouting at my mum and dad it wasn’t fair my brother got a new guitar and I got a hair dryer! Mum and dad had to figure out what to get for us at a price they could afford and they didn't always get it correct! I can recall the look that said it all. Don't even think about whatever it was! It just isn't happening. But we were close. If I said we have one television I would be called out a liar as my Dad was a television engineer and our house was full of broken tellies! However, I refer to as a family we had one television and we chatted about who was watching what and when. Both parents worked so we could live a decent life. Nothing glamourous and no pressure to keep up with the neighbours. We had pets we looked after. We heard the funny stories from our grandparents about when our parents were growing up and brought home mice, cats and stray dogs and newly hatched caterpillars and tadpoles! The joy of seeing a new bike lying against the wall in the hall and asking who’s bike it was, and being told ‘yours!’ Mine? Why? It wasn’t Christmas or my birthday. No Dad had seen you out sharing your friend’s bike and could see you were having fun so he put some money by and bought you a brand-new bike. Oh my. How did that feel? How did mum and dad feel? I am not saying there weren’t troubles, of course, there were. Growing up in that environment we learned skills to take us through our life’s journey. But then it all changed. Life threw curveballs to us all. Life got harder. We moved away from our roots in search of a better life, A vision of wealth, home ownership, cars, luxuries. We wanted more. We expected more. Nothing wrong with this at all. We should all dream big! Go for what we want! What goals we set in life for ourselves are great. Just on the point of goals set for life. In business, career do we set goals the same? We know what we want to achieve. But do we actually set the steps in a plan to achieve those goals? Surely if we did, we would now be in utopia? Just a thought. Pressures build. We don't always make the correct decisions. Our masks crack. Pieces start to drop off. I will get back to my question. How often do we hear the words, ‘why didn’t she/he tell me? How did I miss the signs? If only?’ These questions we ask once someone dies. Especially when it is a life cut short. We rack our brain to find a reason. A why has that happened? We normally get what we want. Don’t we? Why can’t this be overridden? Every age is affected. Every family is involved. Today we seek support from external agencies to support us through trauma. We learn how to turn away from what hurts. We shut out the noise by deleting individuals from our social media. There becomes a distance of silence but extreme hurt. Anxiety. Shame. Guilt. Fear. Our mask becomes thicker. Now no one close can see who is causing the pain. We hide deep away behind our mask to protect others we love. The people who love us who would help you deal with the problem or at least share it cannot see anything that says there is something wrong. The tipping point comes along and no one is any wiser of how helpless we feel. No one knows we are about to explode. The mind tries to analyse every thought and outcome possible. It becomes awkward to try to explain to others for fear of being thought of as careless or stupid. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, though our mistakes come about from our vulnerability at a weak time. We are preyed upon by those who like control or a feeling of their own superiority. How they mould, for want of any other word, individuals into a way of life for their success and benefit. Individuals become tied to another or addiction, for the wrong reasons. They cannot share as they feel the ramifications could hurt or harm innocent people so it is kept boiling up inside. Eventually the innocent is the hurt party. The abuser is still living the lie of deceit and betrayal. When this point is reached some see no way back and feel the only way is to step off the bus. They have worn their mask so long and have been ‘abused’ for so long they can see no way out. What does the ‘abuser’ get out of this? Let off the hook, the only connection to their wrongdoing is no longer here. But families are left trying to find answers. Answers we will never know. For anyone still reading, I thank you for your patience, what I am trying to say is we should encourage more chat. Better listening. More awareness of one another's lifestyle. Who do we all work, play or catch up with for a quick pint or chat? The ‘abuser’ will always play the ‘woe is me card’ and threaten the ‘abused’ with behaviours that good, honest people worry will cause them more harm if shared. All walks of life are affected. All ages in life, in some form of this, are affected. Some may try to stand up for justice but have lost confidence to start. Some start then can’t continue. What is obvious to everyone is the ‘abused’ life find themselves somewhere they never wanted to be but cannot continue to live with. While the ‘abuser’ doesn't care. Shows no interest and carries on repeating the same behaviour to other unsuspecting souls. Like disease in humanity, they spread their cancer which bereaves families. During these silent times, no one else knows. The ‘abused’ can only stand back and pray they might find themselves hearing someone else in similar situations. This only lets them feel they are not alone and some other good soul has also become a victim. If this is you? Stand up and speak. No one will judge you. For some, the fear may be too sore to open up from. If you feel you know someone who may be an ‘abused’ can you reach out? Until we as a human race can identify and weed out these ‘abusers’ there will always be families bereaved and saddened by the unnecessary loss of a loved one. Not because we failed but because the ‘abusers’ are deviously entrepreneurial in their approach no one catches a glimpse. For now, my mask is staying put. My ‘abuser’ may recognise themselves and stop further misery. But then again, perhaps while they never cared for me in the first instance, they continue knowing they have stolen my life and that of my family, and that their actions will eventually shorten my life for their own gratification……… Who knows?
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