As we remember those who bravely and without sacrifice left home to fight for our future freedom we are truly thankful for their biggest sacrifice. Their life. Even those who returned left some part of them behind. Families down through the generations all have stories to tell of their Great Uncle, Grandfather, Father, Brother, Sister, Great Aunt, Grandmother, Mother, Friend, Cousin who left with nothing but the kit they were provided with when they signed up to face uncharted travels with great pride for their country. Not forgetting their fear of what was to come. A little of this seems forgotten as we direct our attention to Halloween and Guy Fawks with a few days on either side of the dates enjoying parties and setting off fireworks. We should be enjoying the dressing up and knocking on doors for sweets in return for a good joke or song! Watching Children’s faces light up in fancy dress. We should enjoy the 5th of November, and maybe today there are many of us who wish Guy had been successful! The 11th is a somber day that brings sadness, love, honour and respect for what it stands for. Since then, before then and during the war years there have been many lives lost from illness, tragedy, old age and I wonder how we remember those who have gone? We do, in a British Tradition, prepare a Funeral with a Service and enjoy a tea after to share the memories. But once this day is over, do we speak of those people again? As a Celebrant helping families to remember the life of someone dear is always an honour to be asked to do. To hear people remembering the fun times, the laughter, the happy adventures, the mistakes, but always the gratitude for having the person in their life. No matter how difficult, challenging or loving the relationship was to celebrate with close family and friends to prepare the future knowing they will no longer be present in our physical life. We all will Remember all we have known through our living life and many of us continue to chat amongst ourselves when memories pop up. As we approach the busiest of Holidays, let us not forget the people who are no longer here to accept a traditionally wrapped gift. For their life and input into our lives is a gift we shared which will remain in our hearts forever. The best presents we can’t wrap. They are the people we share, grow in laughter and sorrow. Don’t wait for the memory. Wrap others in love now while it can be shared. Don’t wait until the Funeral to share your feelings. Make a difference by giving your presence and not your presents. We will always Remember what our forefathers have sacrificed and set out for our future. We will always remember as we live we are laying the foundations for future generations. Much love and support.
How often do we hear the words, ‘why didn’t she/he tell me? How did I miss the signs? If only?’ My role as a celebrant brings me close to the raw side of death within families. Before I continue please do not think I am judging anyone or relating to anyone in particular. I am putting thoughts out here and encourage your engagement. Life nowadays gives us access to more information through the web and social media than ever before, at a click on the screen we can have information readily in front of us, sometimes it serves a purpose however there are times when we can access ‘things’ that previous generations never came into contact with. In the past, the thought of the time to search through libraries and encyclopaedias stopped many from seeking the learning they desired. What we did do, was to speak. Speak! We shared our learnings with one another, our dreams, our worries. We looked out for one another. I am not saying we don't do these things now but our lives and economic climate have shifted. Individuals won’t accept certain behaviours from others. As a result, they deal with it in their own way, we make decisions on what we share and where we share it. As we engage more and more with social media we begin to ‘get good’ at portraying a person we want the world to see. We add the layers to show everyone my world is amazing! I am always happy. I am confident. I am in control. No one should ask me how I am cos I am letting you all know that my world is one cracking great journey! Without the ‘old way’ of our physical body language being observed by Granny when we all went for a visit on a Tuesday night, we don't see the people who love us the most, who in the past would have rung alarm bells. In a discreet fashion, of course! We strive on. One issue after another is added under the mask we wear. I am all for us having our own space, own televisions, laptops, and mobiles but have they taken us over? I recall shouting at my mum and dad it wasn’t fair my brother got a new guitar and I got a hair dryer! Mum and dad had to figure out what to get for us at a price they could afford and they didn't always get it correct! I can recall the look that said it all. Don't even think about whatever it was! It just isn't happening. But we were close. If I said we have one television I would be called out a liar as my Dad was a television engineer and our house was full of broken tellies! However, I refer to as a family we had one television and we chatted about who was watching what and when. Both parents worked so we could live a decent life. Nothing glamourous and no pressure to keep up with the neighbours. We had pets we looked after. We heard the funny stories from our grandparents about when our parents were growing up and brought home mice, cats and stray dogs and newly hatched caterpillars and tadpoles! The joy of seeing a new bike lying against the wall in the hall and asking who’s bike it was, and being told ‘yours!’ Mine? Why? It wasn’t Christmas or my birthday. No Dad had seen you out sharing your friend’s bike and could see you were having fun so he put some money by and bought you a brand-new bike. Oh my. How did that feel? How did mum and dad feel? I am not saying there weren’t troubles, of course, there were. Growing up in that environment we learned skills to take us through our life’s journey. But then it all changed. Life threw curveballs to us all. Life got harder. We moved away from our roots in search of a better life, A vision of wealth, home ownership, cars, luxuries. We wanted more. We expected more. Nothing wrong with this at all. We should all dream big! Go for what we want! What goals we set in life for ourselves are great. Just on the point of goals set for life. In business, career do we set goals the same? We know what we want to achieve. But do we actually set the steps in a plan to achieve those goals? Surely if we did, we would now be in utopia? Just a thought. Pressures build. We don't always make the correct decisions. Our masks crack. Pieces start to drop off. I will get back to my question. How often do we hear the words, ‘why didn’t she/he tell me? How did I miss the signs? If only?’ These questions we ask once someone dies. Especially when it is a life cut short. We rack our brain to find a reason. A why has that happened? We normally get what we want. Don’t we? Why can’t this be overridden? Every age is affected. Every family is involved. Today we seek support from external agencies to support us through trauma. We learn how to turn away from what hurts. We shut out the noise by deleting individuals from our social media. There becomes a distance of silence but extreme hurt. Anxiety. Shame. Guilt. Fear. Our mask becomes thicker. Now no one close can see who is causing the pain. We hide deep away behind our mask to protect others we love. The people who love us who would help you deal with the problem or at least share it cannot see anything that says there is something wrong. The tipping point comes along and no one is any wiser of how helpless we feel. No one knows we are about to explode. The mind tries to analyse every thought and outcome possible. It becomes awkward to try to explain to others for fear of being thought of as careless or stupid. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, though our mistakes come about from our vulnerability at a weak time. We are preyed upon by those who like control or a feeling of their own superiority. How they mould, for want of any other word, individuals into a way of life for their success and benefit. Individuals become tied to another or addiction, for the wrong reasons. They cannot share as they feel the ramifications could hurt or harm innocent people so it is kept boiling up inside. Eventually the innocent is the hurt party. The abuser is still living the lie of deceit and betrayal. When this point is reached some see no way back and feel the only way is to step off the bus. They have worn their mask so long and have been ‘abused’ for so long they can see no way out. What does the ‘abuser’ get out of this? Let off the hook, the only connection to their wrongdoing is no longer here. But families are left trying to find answers. Answers we will never know. For anyone still reading, I thank you for your patience, what I am trying to say is we should encourage more chat. Better listening. More awareness of one another's lifestyle. Who do we all work, play or catch up with for a quick pint or chat? The ‘abuser’ will always play the ‘woe is me card’ and threaten the ‘abused’ with behaviours that good, honest people worry will cause them more harm if shared. All walks of life are affected. All ages in life, in some form of this, are affected. Some may try to stand up for justice but have lost confidence to start. Some start then can’t continue. What is obvious to everyone is the ‘abused’ life find themselves somewhere they never wanted to be but cannot continue to live with. While the ‘abuser’ doesn't care. Shows no interest and carries on repeating the same behaviour to other unsuspecting souls. Like disease in humanity, they spread their cancer which bereaves families. During these silent times, no one else knows. The ‘abused’ can only stand back and pray they might find themselves hearing someone else in similar situations. This only lets them feel they are not alone and some other good soul has also become a victim. If this is you? Stand up and speak. No one will judge you. For some, the fear may be too sore to open up from. If you feel you know someone who may be an ‘abused’ can you reach out? Until we as a human race can identify and weed out these ‘abusers’ there will always be families bereaved and saddened by the unnecessary loss of a loved one. Not because we failed but because the ‘abusers’ are deviously entrepreneurial in their approach no one catches a glimpse. For now, my mask is staying put. My ‘abuser’ may recognise themselves and stop further misery. But then again, perhaps while they never cared for me in the first instance, they continue knowing they have stolen my life and that of my family, and that their actions will eventually shorten my life for their own gratification……… Who knows?
White out. Snow. Wow! Today was a real game changer for everyone. Think Mother Nature wanted to remind us what Season we were in and dumped the cold white fluffy stuff on us to shake us straight back into Winter with temperatures we had forgotten could exist at this time of year. Many of us slipped, slid and froze their way into what we had planned for today. Within 5 minutes we found ourselves chittering and wishing we had no appointments in the diary or had taken the day off work. Few of us could indulge in changing our plans to remain cosy indoors. For me I am so looking forward to better weather as a day at home catching up on admin, emails, invoices and paying bills is hard work no matter how cosy it was. Reflecting on the past week we have met up with some truly amazing people. People who work relentlessly for the benefit of others who may be ill or recuperating. Alone and needing friendly chat and company. While we busily carry on with our plans, even when they are changed at the last minute, we are not all aware of those living with ill-health, terminal illness, loneliness or sadness that as with many of these, none were planning for. For them their world changed in the same few minutes our day changed with the weather. With the weather we settle back into new plans and get on. Having your world thrown into orbit isn’t so easy to settle into. Those we met told their story of how their team, no comment on what an individual has done, but as a team how they have planned, organised, brought ideas together were they could see how individuals could be supported. Tea-rooms have formed, Chatting is chirping, singing groups have started while working on new projects to help more in need. These Volunteers are relentless however it was heartwarming to hear they are inundated with people wanting to help. All of these Volunteers are wonderful beings with big hearts. In our capacity as Will Writers we found ourselves working with a family who were in need of support from other third parties to help them focus on being a family living together having fun and not worrying so much on all the things we all endure in life that take away our happiness, free spirits and the joy of raising a family of enthusiastic, energetic and full of life children. It is very rewarding to be in a position to make these changes to help others. This gives us great satisfaction in being able to make a difference to someone’s life. Prior to Christmas we made a lovely memory for a good friend and follower of our team and all that we do. The Lady wanted us to make a memory keepsake for her Mum. We were presented with her Grandmother’s, her Mum’s Mum, cardigan the Family had kept since Grandmother had died to transform into a bunny. This was a touch and go timescale as to whether it could be made, delivered and presented on time for Christmas. Husbands come in handy. With one in particular husband’s help the memory keepsake reached its destination in perfect time by personally driving the now bunny 40 miles on Christmas Eve. We shared the normal photos on our FB page and this one was seen by someone who knows the Family who felt the need to enquire if the Mum’s Husband had died and this was a memory for him. I hope you are managing to keep up here! On relaying this story to the Lady who ordered the keepsake, she fell about laughing thinking how this must have looked to a few more people who knew her Mum & Dad, who is very much alive! Now with all this going on I do wonder at times how any of the team have time to for themselves. Watch this space as one of the team has been renewing our uniform by hand making us new tailored jackets as well as full on busy family life. We have a team member who seems to have a thing about soft play areas were her daughter can climb to extreme heights. That in itself is bad enough but she films when she has to enter the enclosed area to retrieve her daughter. The latest member to join the team has had a difficult time recovering from a back injury but has been seen venturing out to meet families. We all experience a change to plans most of the time during our day and life. We are resilient to a point but if we could be sensitive to others changes for whatever reason and just be there it could help and make a difference. I have been very fortunate this year already for friends I have who have been here for me. As the evening’s temperature is dropping and we consider our cosy fleece pj’s and socks, have a thought for anyone who may need a wee call for a chat to lift their spirit, arrange to drop by for a cuppa. A wee food parcel. Whatever someone else needs, you making a change to your plan to enquire will make a difference to their day! Changing our plans is an action we control. Plans having to change for some outside interference can be out of our control. Im looking forward, as I bet you are, to the weather heating up again! Night All.
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